Category: Effectiveness Skills, Results (AG29)
Originally Submitted on 7/10/97.

If you're in the business world, dealing with clients, customers, suppliers, subcontractors, and even in purely social settings, you may have noticed how many people fail to keep commitments they make. They are late for appointments, don't follow through on promises made, and are unconcerned with deadlines pass unmet. What's going on with these folks? Here are ten possibilities to explain these seemingly bizarre actions.

1. Differing priorities.

If you ask someone to do something and they agree to do it, does that agreement include a common understanding of the urgency and immediacy of the task involved? Often not. Each person has his or her own set of priorities as to what is most important or urgent, but all too frequently, these differences are not discussed. In such instances, it helps to clarify. Example: It's really important that this get done by Tuesday morning at 0900. Will you be able to meet that deadline?

2. Indirectness.

Some people practice what can most generously be termed, indirect communication Instead of saying what they want directly and taking steps to ensure that there is a common meeting of the minds, they couch their request so as not to appear demanding. An example of each approach from my own childhood: The direct approach: Please pass me the salt. The indirect approach: I wonder if there is any salt in the cupboard. The indirect approach is manipulative. Better to say what you want and run the risk of a No.

3. Misunderstanding

Sometimes, there is a legitimate question as to what is wanted. Right away means different things to different people. To a schedule-driven type A, it may mean, within the next five minutes. To an easy-going creative type, it can mean, sometime today. Solution: Be clear on what you mean and, if there is any doubt, ask the other person to repeat back your request. ... Now, with these three points, we've about exhausted the positive, reasonable, and acceptable reasons for not honoring commitments. The seven that follow are less acceptable, but all too common.

4. Self-importance

Some people simply feel that others owe them a certain level of deference by virtue of their position, intelligence, wealth, or presence. These folks just don't feel that your concerns are as important as their's, so when they fail to keep a commitment, they just don't believe it's important in their larger scheme of things. The best way to deal with these people is to avoid them if you can. Their inflated sense of ego pretty much guarantees that they won't be receptive to your suggestions for improvement!

5. Con Artistry

Then there are those folks who have no intention of keeping their commitments. They commit only to string you along, get a little more out of you, and then move on to the next unwary victim. You don't need these people in your life. Dump them.

6. Poor time management.

Remember that old saying about the road being paved with good intentions? Some people make promises with the best intentions of keeping them, but then something always intervenes--a current project takes longer than expected, they didn't allow enough time to get there, they had to do just a little bit more before quitting. At one time or another, we've probably all fallen into these traps. They're malicious in that they stem from a basically good motive: to get more done in less time. The net result, however, although we (and I) hate to admit it, is that the other person is inconvenienced AND your own stress levels increase.

7. Never say NO.

8. Unrealistic expectations.

Close to #4 (self-importance) above, but different. Some people have simply grown up expecting others to take up the slack. The pampered only child and the coddled star athlete are two examples. The results are particularly unfortunate, because they pretty much assure that the very feedback needed to change will not be forthcoming from those impacted by these unrealistic juvenile behaviors.

9. Irresponsibility.

Being self-responsible is a learned trait which some people never master. Some adults are congenitally incapable of honoring their commitments, because they have never been taught, as children, to be responsible. The road back from this crevasse is long and tedious. It often begins with the mastery of the most simple tasks and continues, sometimes agonizingly slowly, towards responsible adulthood.

10. Procrastination.

Some people seem to be born procrastinators. No matter how little or how much they have to do, there always seem to be reasons for postponing. If it is your bad luck to deal with one of these folks, the only advice I can give is follow up, follow up, and follow up. If you are a procrastinator, you might try following a simple rule: every day, pick the most unpleasant and/or difficult chore from your list and do it first. After a couple of weeks of this, you may find that you procrastinate less and enjoy it more. Just a suggestion!

About the Submitter

The original source is: Written by Shale Paul, Executive Coach. Copyright 1996, Top Ten Lists Inc. May be reproduced or transmitted if done so in its entirety, including this copyright line.

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