Next time you're faced with an angry or confrontational situation, especially at work, here are some great risk management strategies to "put out the flames."

1. When a situation bursts into an "angry blaze," take immediate steps to defuse the situation by first letting go of any need you may have to be right or to win.

2. Next, to stop someone who is yelling, do a "pattern interrupt". This technique comes from Neurolinguistic programming (NLP). The strategy is to stop the angry behavior as quickly as possible. A "pattern interrupt" might be asking the person who is upset to pause for a moment while you obtain a pen and paper to write down what they are saying. If you're away from home, you might ask the person who is yelling if you could have a glass of water. Changing their body position often times changes their mood.

3. After doing the "pattern interrupt", ask the angry individual to repeat what they were saying so you can write it down. Making the individual go back through what they have already covered usually reduces some of the anger. Take careful notes on what they say.

4. Now ask the individual to pause. Read back what they stated in a totally neutral tone of voice ("Charge neutral.") By repeating what they have said in a calm, unemotional voice, you are defusing the situation by taking the anger and emotion out of their words.

5. Ask the individual if you correctly wrote down their concerns. Then ask if there is anything else. Stay with the anger until the person has said everything they needed to say. Continue to repeat back what they say in charge neutral.

6. If the anger is directed at you, respond with:

   "It was never my intention to make you angry. What can I do to correct the problem?"

   Notice there is no acceptance or blame, only an effort on your part to take steps to correct something that has gone wrong.

7. If the anger is directed at another individual, don't join in criticizing the other party. Instead, say:

   "That's terrible. Is there something you want me to do about this situation?"

8. If you made a mistake, don't give excuses or say, "I'm sorry". "I'm sorry" requires an explanation. Instead say, "I made a mistake. What can I do to rectify the situation?" This puts the power in the hands of the other individual without excuses or rationalizations. Also, it demonstrates that you are willing to take responsibility for your actions.

9. When someone is unjustifiably angry, don't argue with them or try to prove your point. If you can't honestly say, "I understand your point of view", at least write down their concerns and read them back to make sure you have captured them correctly. In most cases, the situation will calm down when someone has taken the time to listen and record their concerns.

10. Perhaps the best approach comes from "Dear Abby." She reminds us, "The next time you feel like 'fighting fire with fire,' just remember, the fire department uses water."

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